4 Easy Ways To Make Small Talk With Anyone


Welcome to today’s video. Merry Christmas if you celebrate it; Happy Holidays if you celebrate something else. Today, we’re gonna talk about four ways that you can make small talk with anyone and make it effortless and fun so the person almost instantly likes you. Before we jump in, there’s two quick things — one, we are
doing a kind of online raffle that we’ve never done before to give a free hour of coaching which is normally worth $500 to three people. So there’s more details about that at the end of the video. It’s going to run for the next three weeks so you don’t have to rush
there now but at the end of the video, there’s more details on that. And second, this video assumes you are already in conversation so if you want to know how to get into conversation, I’ll put a video in one of these corners that Charlie made about three easy ways to start a conversation with anyone and I will also link to that at the end of this video so you can watch that if that is something that interests you. So small talk. What is the point of small talk? Why do we do it? I think that’s the first important thing to cover before we talk about how to do it and the answer is complicated but in my opinion it kind of boils down to three things which is you — want to learn about someone new or
learn something new about someone that you know, you want to see if you connect, you want to see
if there’s a relationship worth pursuing there if you guys get along and you want a friendship or
to be dating or a mentorship… whatever it might be, and three, you want to have fun and you want it to be fun for them and you want to be an enjoyable experience. So with that said, here are four ways that you can make small talk so that it’s not a boring interview-esque vibe or a
bunch of awkward silences and forced conversation. The first thing is a compliment plus cold-read. And I actually didn’t invent this; someone, I think, unnaturaly just did this to
me when I was at an event one time and it really made an impression on me. So I was in a group of maybe four or five people, we’re all getting to know each other for the first time and I made a couple jokes and I had people laughing, and this woman asked me if I was a comedian. She said, “Oh my god, you’re so funny. Are you a comedian?” so that’s compliment and then a cold read which is just a guess at something about them — where they’re from, what they do, a hobby… whatever it was. But I will tell you, I instantly really liked that woman; she made me feel so good about myself and I did start talking about what I actually do but the impact it had on me versus if she had just said,
“Oh, by the way, what’s your job?” was so much stronger. So this can be anything from, “Wow, you’re really extroverted; I bet you’re
great at sales,” or “wow, you have incredible fashion; I bet you’re a stylist.” And if you’re right, great — bonus points — they’ll laugh
and wonder how you knew it; but if you’re wrong, there’s no knock. There’s no talent involved; you don’t have to get this right. You’re just giving a compliment, giving a guess, and then they will tell you whatever it is — what they do or where they’re from. It sets a fun vibe, it gets rid of that interview vibe, and they will really appreciate the compliment which will make them much more likely to engage in the conversation fully. The second thing sticking with the cold theme is something I consider creating an avalanche of words and specifically, creating an avalanche of words with a good question. So the goal here is instead of getting those one-word answers
where someone really doesn’t engage you in conversation, the goal is to ask them something that gets them talking and talking and talking almost word-vomiting because they’re so excited about what you ask them. There’s two ways you can do this and if you combine them it’s even more powerful. First is try to avoid questions that have one-word answers. For instance, “How long have you lived in Los Angeles?” is a pretty
boring small talk question that I get asked a lot because I live here now. And, yes, there’s a charismatic way to answer it with your whole back story
but most people, if they’re not great conversationalist, are just gonna say, “Oh, six months,” or “five years,” — whatever the answer is. Instead, if you ask them a question that gets them talking more like, “Why did you move to LA?” or “what do you do for fun?” you’ll get them to engage in a longer answer, get them talking, they’ll give you more to respond to, and you’ll have a much more natural conversation full of different threads you can take. The second thing is ask them something that they’re gonna want
to answer because they like talking about what you’ve asked. So a lot of people ask about work; they’ll say, “Hey, how’s work going?” It’s a terrible question in my opinion because one, you can just
say good, bad, whatever; two, they might not like their job. But instead if you can ask, “What’s exciting at work these days?” or even better, “what’s exciting in life these days or what do you do for fun?” Now the person is more likely to engage and talk
because they like talking about what they like — they’re thinking about what they like associating it
with you creating that positive vibe between you guys and now you have an opportunity to connect on something they care about. The third thing you can do is make a guessing game of it. I really like to do this; don’t do this all the time for every question but if you find yourself asking a question that seems kind of boring and you catch it, you say, “Where are you from?” then immediately turn it into a guessing game, “Wait, give me two hints; let me see if I can guess.” And the person will probably appreciate that you’re making this conversation
more fun — they’ll give you hints they’ll have to think about what to say, you’ll try to guess, you’ll be laughing and smiling… When you eventually do find out where they’re from,
it’s a much more fun process to get there. Now you would want to do this in any situation; you wouldn’t
want to do this if you’re small talking your boss, let’s say, but it’s really useful in social situations, bars, and things like that. And honestly, anytime it feels appropriate, it is fun — it is much more fun than just asking a series of where-are-you-from, what-do-you-do, and how-old-are-you that most small talk devolves into until you’re talking about traffic or the weather because you just don’t know what else to say, right? So I like to mix and match with those three things a lot with the guessing game and questions that get them talking and the compliments and the cold reads. The fourth thing I like because you’re not gonna talk about them necessarily but you’re going to elicit their advice or their
opinion and show that you value what they think. And it’s a very simple question — it’s just, “Hey, I have a quick question for you…” and then anything that you genuinely think is interesting. Unlike the Avalanche which is about what they think is interesting, this is really what-do-you-like and what-do-you-think-is-interesting-to-talk-about. And you’re trying to engage with them on this instead of just the regular list of topics that everybody asks about when they’re making small talk so this can be anything from super light to kind of deep. When Charlie and his brother, Henry, and I went out to a restaurant the other day, they were wearing ugly Christmas sweaters and so we just started asking people sitting around us and the waitresses and the hostesses which sweater they liked more and and they could guess and then we could tease or they could pretend, “Oh, it’s just because you like Charlie more than Henry; it’s not the sweater.” It made a fun vibe for everyone around us much more so than if we just said, “Hi, what’s your name? Here’s my orders; I want this sandwich…” whatever it is. The other thing you can do is go a lot deeper and especially
with people that you know a little bit or you’ve met before. This is a really easy way to create a more interesting conversation than just how things have been going so anytime I am with extended family and I’m with somebody who was married for a long time or had a marriage that didn’t work, I like to just ask them, “Hey, I’ve never been married. I’m in a relationship. I would love to know your thoughts on what makes a long-term relationship work or what doesn’t,” and what’s nice about this question is if they’re happily married, there they’re gonna be happy to tell you what has worked for them. Interestingly enough, if they aren’t happily married or they’re struggling or they’re divorced, they’re still really actually pretty excited to talk to you because I’ve seen an instinct where people want to help you to avoid the mistakes that they’ve made or the suffering that they’ve had so a question like that if you find it interesting like
I do because you like relationships and psychology can start a really interesting conversation much more so than how-are-the-kids, how’s-the-job, and the questions that everybody asks so those are the four things that can help you to make a small talk conversation interesting and fun and feel effortless and natural and that is a compliment and cold read, a question that creates an avalanche of words, having them play a guessing game of any kind or telling them that you want to know their opinion on a question or something that you find interesting that you want to bring into the conversation via a question. That’s it for today’s video I hope that that’s helpful. Now if you are interested in the coaching there is a link in the description; it’s the first time I’ve set this up so fingers crossed that I did it correctly but basically there’s a couple ways that you can earn raffle tickets — you can like our Facebook page, like our Instagram, put your email in to get some free newsletters and when you do your name gets put into a database that will then pick three people from to get a free one-on-one hour of coaching with me about anything you want — this can be how be more charismatic, dating, getting a promotion, networking, interviews, it can be business, YouTube… Truly, I just want to help you that we used to have coaching was a big part of our business and then we got away from it to do YouTube and online courses but I miss that one-on-one interaction and seeing the transformation in you and the change and the success story happened — I missed that. And I think it would be fun to do so given it’s a holiday season; I thought it would be a fun free giveaway. Also, if you want that video on how to start conversations that Charlie made, you can click here and if you want a video Charlie made on how to make an amazing first impression and specifically the four emotions that guarantee a great first impression, you can click here. So thank you so much for watching. I hope that
you enjoyed it and I will see you in the next video.

100 thoughts on “4 Easy Ways To Make Small Talk With Anyone

  • I have a problem of finally coming up with something fun to say and then it's the end of the conversation or the person does not want to talk to me

  • My hobbies are watching Anime and playing video games and I have such a hard time relating to other people

  • I have an idea! A lot of people have problems in making friends because they have rare interests that they can't easily find in other people, well why don't we social misfits be friends ourselves, since we are a lot aren't we? Maybe make a society and make groups for each interest

  • Me: Asks the question right, plays the game, things go good for 30 seconds, she's smiling, I'm smiling, I'm so excited
    Awkward silence hits
    Me: Fuck…well it's all downhill from here, anxiety intensifies, turning red now, should I smile? No, dude stop being creepy, just stand here, look around, act cool, she's leaving, ok…she's gone

  • I don’t know why but I feel like this dude is fake- like it’s weird, he’s just a walking charismatic person. I feel like he just try’s to manipulate people using these techniques and skills. I have nothing against him at all, and I’m glad he’s doing this but does anyone else think about this?

  • OK, this should be clarified that it only really works between people within the same cultures. In Taiwan where I live, there is no small talk outside of a tight clique. In my experiences, if someone tells a few humorous stories and then have someone start off "Wow, that was great! Are you a comedian?", then that would be taken as an insult.

    There was a program about a guy who traveled to Afghanistan to be with his NGO girlfriend. She dumped him and he hung around doing various adventures. The episode was about some strongman competition and his attempts at small talk almost cost him his life.

  • thank you guys for these videos I'm gona be moving to a new school and I'll have to make new friends which i havent had to do in a long time so im watching these videos hoping it will make things easier

  • When you give a compliment a people for what they love they will love you instantly vut dor what is bice to say vut they are not really interested about that then it won't have any special affect on that person.

  • To keep a conversation going here are a few tips:
    1. T.E.D. (tell me, explain to me, describe to me) It gets people talking about a subject they are knowledgeable.
    2. Try not to ask why. If you don't know the nuance to the word why just know that it can put someone on the defensive and close them off
    3. Ask How and What questions instead
    4. Never doubt the power of mirroring. If someone says they like something. Repeat that something back in the form of a question and get them talking about it
    5. If the person is passionate about something say, "it sounds like___ is really important to you. What is it about ____ that enjoy so much?

  • I really appreciate you for making this video! Great advice for icebreakers. I'm usually great with conversation once we get comfortable but these are fast-track comforting scenarios. Good stuff! Thanks man

  • I'm now thinking about all the times these tactics were used on me, and how overwhelmingly positive those experiences were.

  • I have Aspergers and trying to improve my small talk skills. Perhaps I am too critical but I'm not feeling too sure about some of what you say. Like the first one, compliment and then make a sort of guess, it feels like it can come off as really cheesy. It made me instantly think of creepy dudes who message me on Facebook with stuff like "you're so pretty, are you a model?" which is really just insanely cringey – even I with my terrible social skills know this. The guessing game also feels pretty weird, like the kind of thing super outgoing people do that makes everyone else slightly annoyed or uncomfortable.

  • Them: nice pencil case

    Me: oh thanks

    Them: where did you get them from

    Me: got it from this shop in my country

    Them: ooh they don't have a lot of this company in our country

    Me: oh okay

    Them: ….
    Me: ….

  • Why on earth do you have to make small talk or talk (with strangers) at all…..?
    WTF is it so hard for people to leave others be and carry on with their lives?

  • Don't look touch bedroom home a little bit 🔈🔇 mute shh 😴 🤐 😞 my bedroom and bathroom cleaner dry skin and washer and dryer are diving car Cool me

  • Me : Hey
    Someone : remains silent
    Me : How are you?
    Someone : nods head
    Me : That's enough human interaction for today, I would like to go back to my cave.

    Edit : This actually happened with me in real life with someone who I was trying to interact with, not once but thrice.

  • Usually when nobody is talking, I ask whether pineapple should go on pizza, then sit back and silently laugh as society collapses into a rage induced heap of unbridled political anarchy. Just for the record, pineapple should never go on pizza unless you have some kind of severe tongue defect.

  • "what do you do for fun" is an annoying question. It's right up there with, what kind of music do you like?

  • Me: Hi
    Her: Hi
    Me( remembers you-tube): so are you a comedian?
    Her: NO
    Me: Good job
    Also Me: Okay, I’ll just find one.

  • You guys should have hidden cam videos of these tips in field to see how the people you are talking to react and converse.

  • My greatest fear is them finding me too annoying or eager because I talk a lot. Socializing is so hard
    ╥﹏╥

  • Love u Donald ! Anything is easy after dealing with you my love ! Taking on the entire government and the richest people was a challenge ! Other things aren't ! Substance abuse is a challenge – conversation isn't ! Walking away from heroin and pills is challenging – everything else isn't ! Doable ! My sweetheart I miss her'

  • I don’t love my job, but I don’t hate it either. So when people ask me how’s work going, I just feel mixed emotions and get confuzzled. Btw, I’m an introvert in sales..let’s just say it’s an EXPERIENCE.😂

  • I’m mad y’all are handsome af like “oh yeah just do this and people will like you!” Look at your face. People are going to like you.

  • Except as an introvert I find small talk (especially with people that aren't very bright) very boring. What I consider 'intelligent conversation' most people in this area don't understand. I basically give up in very short order.

  • Me: is your dad a thief?

    Girl: no

    Me: because he stole the sparkle from the jewellery store and he’s all over the news

    *awkward silence*

  • when did your mom pass away?

    HOLDON WAIT LEMME GUESSS…

    (i am aware he said not w every question but just imagine.. 😂)

  • That first technique some seller did on me a while ago. I'm into makeup and was all dressed up. So he walked up to me and said "Hi I'm x. I just wanted to say you look really good with that makeup, are you a stylist?". He also followed up with a new compliment, and I was flattered the rest of the day 😅

  • Because of my accent, I always get "so what brought you to L.A.?" My answer? "A plane". (Starting to figure out why I'm watching this vid?)

  • Lemme see if I learned well: So CC, do you always wear a shirt that looks like a Duke of Hazards hillbilly's under-pajamas to make your wanna-be professional presentation or was that laundry day? One more: close your mouth dearie! Your veneers are blinding my retinas, Imma need to call my lawyer in a minit!

  • Why does this guy always shoot his camera up nose-holes? It gives him a Frankenstein forehead look. When he doesn't look like he just got back from his drag queen gig and his baby wipes didn't remove all the Rupaul makeup!

  • 1: Compliment and then a guess based on that compliment
    2: Avalanche of words (open questions)
    •Avoid one word answer questions instead use questions the other person can say things other than yes/no/5 years/
    •Ask questions the other person wants to answer, about things that he enjoys. Eg: what's exciting these days at work, not how is work – what do you do for fun. Questions about themselves, their characters/personality.
    3: Guessing game. Eg: Where are you from? -> Where are you from? Wait, give me two hints to guess. Use this technique with caution, best suited for situations you want the conversation to be enjoyable and funny. Not with your boss.
    4: –

  • Me: comes up with a joke that matches the situation, nah, no one will laugh

    My Friend: Tells the exact joke I'm thinking of

    Everyone Else: dying of laughter

    Me: dies inside

  • the examples hes giving is pretty much whatbi hear everyday. i say stuff like " my days a bit more extra i guess. Walmart has weird people, aggressive customers and strange children." so same old things Mary

  • Some random person : So what is your job?

    Me : I'm a scientist

    The Person : Great! Good for you! And what exactly do you do?

    Me : I convert CO2 into oxygen just by my nose and lungs.

    *AWKWARD SILENCE INTENSIFIES*

  • Four ways to make small talk:
    #1 – grow a smaller mouth
    #2 – use abrieveations while talking examples: u, lol, w/, h8r, gj, gg
    #3 – remember to bring a magnifying glass
    #4 – avoid talking, "give a head nod and move on"

  • First thought: What's his name? It's strange to listen to advice from a total stranger.
    Second thought: Stop, I don't know the name of the second guy too… I was just too familiar with his voice to notice it

    Seriously, you should introduce yourselves. It would be much easier to relate to your words if we had a sensation that we know you

  • that moment when you’re so socially anxious that you binge videos on how to small talk because you have a driving lesson tomorrow and you don’t wanna be awkward around the instructor

  • Emotional or intellectual manipulation of what should be an organic conversation seems so LA…but, you said you live in LA. For those that don't, these tactics might come off as disingenuous or phony. Thoughts?

  • A:Why did you move you to la.
    B: no reason just moved
    A: what do you do for fun
    B: TV
    So what to do when they give small answer whatever you ask.

  • Quick tip: you speak very quick for a 10 min video. The quality is better. For the slow listeners 😎. Great flow.

  • Another video should be made about how to avoid small talk from strangers. Especially when it's men who do this more so.

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