ISIS Has a Sick Policy?


CHEERS GUYS. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I DON’T
KNOW IF YOU SAW THIS NEWS STORY BUT IT WAS ABOUT A SUBSTITUTE
TEACHER FROM WEST MICHIGAN WAS TEACHING A MIDDLE CLASS SCHOOL
ABOUT THE ART OF GEORGIA O’KEEFFE. AND SHE WAS FIRED FOR USING THE
WORD VAGINA, RIGHT? YEAH. NOW THIS RAISES A COUPLE OF
INTERESTING ISSUES. NUMBER ONE, CAN A SUBSTITUTE
TEACHER REALLY BE FIRED? (LAUGHTER)
AND NUMBER TWO, SHE WAS DESCRIBING GEORGIA O’KEEFFE
PAINTINGS. NOW I DON’T KNOW IF YOU HAVE
SEEN A GEORGIA O’KEEFFE PAINTING, THEY LOOK SO MUCH LIKE
VAGINAS I’M NOT EVEN SURE WE ARE ALLOWED TO SHOW THEM ON
TELEVISION, RIGHT? HAVE A LOOK AT THIS. I MEAN–
(LAUGHTER) LIKE THEY LOOK SO MUCH LIKE
VAGINAS I BOUGHT ONE IN CASE MY WI-FI EVER GOES OUT. (LAUGHTER)
BUT I MEAN, I MEAN THIS IS RIDICULOUS. LIKE I HEARD THE WORD VAGINA
PLENTY OF TIMES WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL. IT WAS LIKE SHUT UP, JAMES, YOU
VAGINA. NO, YOU CAN’T SIT NEXT TO ME,
YOU VAGINA. NO, I WON’T DRIVE YOU TO SCHOOL,
SON, NOR WILL YOUR DAD. YOU CAN TAKE YOUR BUS LIKE THE
OTHER KIDS, YOU VAGINA. (LAUGHTER)
NOW IT’S IMPORTANT FOR STUDENTS TO KNOW ABOUT THE REPRODUCTIVE
SYSTEM BECAUSE WHAT IF WE WERE SAY THEY WERE IN A SITUATION
LIKE THE PASSENGERS OF A JET STAR ASIA FLIGHT WHO LAST WEEK
FOUND THEMSELVES ON A FLIGHT WHEN A WOMAN GAVE BIRTH ON THE
PLANE FROM SING MORE FROM MYANMAR, RIGHT? AND EVERYONE ON THE FLIGHT WAS
LIKE OH, GREAT, ANOTHER CRYING BABY. (LAUGHTER)
BUT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE. AND THIS IS WHERE IT GETS
INTERESTING. THE MOTHER NAMES THE BABY JET
STAR AFTER THE NAME OF THE AIRLINE THAT SHE WAS FLYING. (LAUGHTER)
OKAY. AND THIS IS ACTUALLY NOT UNUSUAL
FOR THE FAMILY. THIS IS A TRADITION. THEY SAID WE NAME EVERY ONE
AFTER THE PLACE THAT THEY WERE BORN SAID THE FATHER CRACKER
BARREL JONES. (LAUGHTER)
JET STAR, I GOT TO SAY, JET STAR IS A COOL NAME, LIKE. HE SHOULD BE THANKFUL THAT HE
WAS BORN ON A JET STAR AIRPLANE. LIKE IF THE BABY HAD BEEN BORN
IN AN I QUEEA– IKEA HE WOULD HAVE BEEN NAMED
FLURVENLAGGENDORF. (LAUGHTER)
BUT IT IS NOT ALL GOOD NEWS. UNFORTUNATELY AFTER SHE GAVE
BIRTH THE MOTHER EXCEEDED HER CARRY ON LIMIT AND HAD TO PAY AN
EXTRA $100. BUT ALSO IN WORLD NEWSK I DON’T
KNOW IF YOU SAW THIS, A REPORT CAME OUT LAST WEEK THAT MEMBERS
OF ISIS ARE TRYING TO FAKE DOCTOR’S NOTES TO GET THEMSELVES
OUT OF FRONT LINE DUTY, RIGHT. DID YOU SEE THESE, REGGIE. IMAGINE A MEMBER OF ISIS CALLING
IN LIKE, HEY, GUYS, I HAVE ACTUALLY GOT A BIT OF AKOFF. I DON’T THINK I CAN GO TO THE
SUICIDE BOMBING TODAY. (LAUGHTER)
I JUST REALLY WANT TO BE AT MY BEST WHEN I DO IT. SO I WILL TRY AND GET SOME WORK
DONE FROM HOME. BUT IT’S WEIRD TO THINK THAT
THIS ORGANIZATION WHICH IS SO DANGEROUS HAS EMPLOYEES WHO ARE
JUST LIKE OH, MONDAYS, AM I RIGHT? LIKE FINALLY TONIGHT WE WANT TO
LET YOU KNOW ABOUT THE HOTTEST NEW THING IN SELL LAR
TECHNOLOGY. DID YOU SEE THIS, REGGIE. YOU’LL LOVE THIS BECAUSE THERE
IS A NEW PHONE CALLED THE ZANCO FLY, RIGHT? AND IT’S SO SMALL, IT’S THE SIZE
OF A HOUSE KEY. AND BECAUSE OF ITS SIZE, IT’S
BECOME REALLY POPULAR WITH A PARTICULAR GROUP OF PEOPLE,
PRISON INMATES. RIGHT? COMPLETELY TRUE. THAT IS THE PHONE. LOOK AT THAT. THAT IS HOW SMALL IT IS. BECAUSE IT’S SO SMALL, THE
DESIGN ALLOWS IT TO FIT EASILY INSIDE THEIR– YOU KNOW. (LAUGHTER)
WHAT WAS THAT NOISE? WAS THAT YOUR NOISE FOR
SOMETHING BEING INSIDE– (LAUGHTER)
REGGIE, THAT IS A VERY– (LAUGHTER)
SO LIKE IF SOMEONE HAD TOLD ME THAT I COULD KEEP A CELL PHONE
BUT ONLY IF I KEPT IT DOWN THERE, I WOULD BE LIKE YOU KNOW
WHAT I MISS? WRITING LETTERS. IT IS A LOST ART FORM, IT IS. (APPLAUSE)
BUT THE BEST PART ABOUT THIS PHONE IS THAT NO ONE IS EVER
ASKING TO BORROW IT, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? LIKE HEY, MAN, CAN I BORROW YOUR
PHONE. YOU’LL BE LIKE– IN ABOUT 20
MINUTES? YOU JUST KNOW AS WELL THERE’S
ONE PRISONER WITH AN iPHONE 6 PLUS WHO JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT
THIS AND HE’S LIKE, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

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