Learning to See Your Blind Spots with Kay Warren

– So I know we’ve already prayed, but I’d like to pray specifically
for this time together ’cause there might be
just a few hard things that I’m gonna say (laughs). You’re like, oh, great, I came to church, I don’t wanna hear anything hard. All right, let’s pray. God, I pray that you would
take your word this morning, and you would land it in our
hearts, in the healthy places so that are unhealthy places can grow. I pray that those who might
particularly be vulnerable to shame, and to guilt, would find themselves deeply
loved by you, and unafraid to explore what you have to say. So I ask that you would
use our time together, in Jesus name, amen.
– Amen! – Last weekend, George and Tundra Gregory, talked about the challenging work of improving our relationships. And they use the analogy
of a beautiful garden, and how if we want to
have a beautiful garden that represents strong
relationships, strong marriages, that there’s some weeding that we have to do to get
rid of some bad habits and some unhelpful things that we do that sabotage our relationships. And I wanna continue that theme this week, but I wanna start with
just a really quick review of what is God’s intention
for us as Christ followers, what is it that God is trying to do in and through our lives? Well, the very first thing is that the goal in
God’s salvation for us, it’s not merely to save us, and to restore the relationship with him, but to make us more like
his Son, Jesus Christ, to shape us into the image of Jesus. Romans 8:29, there on your outline says, for from the very beginning, God decided that those who came to him and all along he knew who would. And by the way, there’s
gonna be several verses today that you might kind of go,
huh, what does that mean? And don’t let that worry you, I hope it spurs you to
study the Word of God, I hope that that will
challenge you to study, ’cause I’m not gonna
answer all those things, we’re moving on. But I just wanna point that out to you that there’s gonna be a few of those. So let’s read this through that lens. For from the very beginning, God decided that those who came to him and all along he knew who would, his goal was that they
should become like his Son, so that his Son would be the
first with many brothers. Well, so that verse tells us that God’s intention is to
make us like his son, Jesus. 2 Corinthians 3:17-18 says, for the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of
the Lord is, there is freedom. And the Lord, who is the spirit, makes us more and more like him, as we are changed into his glorious image. This process is called sanctification. It’s, if you’ve been to
foundations, taken that class, if not, I encourage you to do so, you learn in there that after
we become Christ followers, believers in Jesus Christ,
God then starts this process of making us into the
image of Jesus Christ. And he does it more, and more,
and more, as time goes by so that we are changed
into, as 2 Corinthians says, into his glorious image, and it will take our entire lifetime. It’s not a once-and-done
thing, this is a process that takes all of our lifetime. The Bible says that he works
in us and we become like him. Well, how do we know that
we’re becoming like Christ? How do you know that
you’re being transformed more and more into the image of Christ? Well, the Bible doesn’t
leave that as a mystery. It tells us very clearly,
in Galatians 5:22, I want you to read this out loud with me. – [All] but when the Holy
Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. – Really clear what it means to have God be in control
of our personality, to be in charge of what
we’re like as a person so that we are shaped
into the image of Jesus ’cause that verse is a perfect
picture of Jesus Christ. But there’s the verses before that, that set up a really strong
contrast of what it’s like when we are the ones in
control of our personality, when we’re not growing, when we’re not being shaped
into the image of Christ. And it’s here on the
screen, Galatians 5:19-21. When you follow the desires
of your sinful nature, rather than having the
Holy Spirit be in control, the results are clear. Sexual immorality,
impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility,
quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish
ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. I mean, the Bible sets it up so clearly. You wanna know what it’s like to over time be transformed
into the image of Christ? Galatians 5:22: love, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness,
faithfulness, and self-control, that’s how you can know
that God is working in you and shaping you into the image of Jesus. But if instead, your life is reflective of these other things that we just read, then you are not being transformed, or you’re not cooperating
with that transformation. There’s a sentence there that
I’ve written on your outline, which to me, summarizes
everything that I wanna say. And if you just walked away with that, you would understand this, and it’s this, when I am in control of my personality, I will leave damage in my wake. When God is in control of my personality, I will leave blessed in my wake. If you’re not sure, then you can kind of
take a look behind you, you can look back on your life, you can see have I left damage in my wake, damaged people, damaged
relationships, damaged connections, or have I mostly left blessing
that people knowing me, they come away better, they
come away knowing their love, they knowing they’re cared for, I have not damaged people,
I have left blessing? Well, all of us want to
be those kind of people who leave blessing and not damage. But there’s something that gets in the way and slows this process down. And that’s really what
I wanna focus on today is what is it that keeps us
from not being a blessing, but instead being someone who
actually can cause damage. A few weeks ago, I was with my mom, and my mom has Alzheimer’s,
late stage Alzheimer’s, and it’s a very sad illness and disease and it breaks my heart, and if you have a loved one
who’s experienced Alzheimer’s, you know how painful that really is, but even in the most painful
of our life experiences, there’s some pretty
funny things that happen and you have to learn how
to laugh at the funny things even as you’re crying over the sad things. So a few weeks ago, I was visiting my mom in the memory care place where she lives and she, and several other residents, were sitting there together and everyone was just kind
of quiet in their own world and mom and I were just
kind of quietly talking to each other. And all of a sudden, Eleanor,
one of the residents, came walking around the corner. Now, Eleanor was wearing
her shirt, her jacket, her socks and her shoes, but no pants. And one of the residents
kind of looked up and said, “Eleanor,” and she’s like, “What?” And she said, “Eleanor, you
don’t have on any pants.” And Eleanor said, “Yes, I do.” And the other resident said, “Eleanor, you don’t have on any pants.” And Eleanor, a little
bit louder, “Yes, I do,” and before you know it, everyone is saying “No, no, Eleanor, you
don’t have your pants,” you guys, this is funny.
(congregation laughs) So they’re saying, “Eleanor,
you don’t have your pants,” and she is louder, and louder, and louder, insisting that she has on her pants. And the caregiver got up and
went over and very gently said, “Honey, let me help you, let
me take you back to your room “and we’ll get you straightened out.” And I can hear Eleanor all
the way down the hall going, “I do to have my pants on.”
(congregation laughs) She was very unhappy with the evaluation of the people around her, she was very unhappy with
their evaluation of her and she thought they were
absolutely 100% wrong, but reality is they were right. And sometimes this is
exactly so true of my life. How many times am I like Eleanor? People in my life have
tried to tell me some things about myself, about the way I relate, the ways that I talk,
the ways that I interact, and I have insisted that
yes, I do too have pants on, they are wrong, and I will usually say it a little bit louder each
time they try to tell me because I figure if I say it more loudly, they will see how clearly
they are wrong and I am right. I’m not happy with their evaluation of me, I disagree with their evaluation of me, but in reality, many times,
those closest to me are right. Why do we do that? Why is there this disconnect? Why do we have a hard
time seeing ourselves the way that other people see us? Well, it’s called the blind spot. And in our body, we
actually have a blind spot. If you’ve got your phone
with you or online, you can go to saddleback.com right now, saddleback.com/blindspot, and we can take a little test together. And when you get to
saddleback.com/blindspot, you’re gonna see this image,
you’re gonna see an image of, there’s gonna be an X
in the left-hand corner, and then a dot, a black
dot over here on the right. So if you find this, and if you don’t, you can try this at home, I
want you to cover your left eye. Everybody knows their
left from the right, yeah, cover your left eye, hold it out here and stare at that X, stare at that cross, bring it in as close as you need to. For me, it’s about right
here because all of a sudden, that circle on the right
disappears, it’s gone, it’s gone. And the reason that that happens is because, I’m told,
not a science person, but I’m told that in all of our eyes, that’s where the optic
nerve comes through. And so that part of our
eye is missing the cones and the rods that can can see light, and then give us an image. And because that happens in all us, every one of us have
blind spots in our eyes. Well, we don’t just have
physical blind spots, you and I have emotional blind spots that keep us from seeing clearly. And there, it creates a disconnect between the way we see ourselves and the way other people experience us. So the reason that we have this disconnect is because we are blind, we are blind. And our blind spot, an
emotional blind spot, I would define it this way,
the places in our personality, where we lack clarity, insight,
and awareness of ourselves, and of our patterns of
reacting and relating in life. We all have them, nobody
is immune to them, it’s not like you could ever outgrow them and you’ll become so spiritually mature, or emotionally mature that you’ll never ever have
blind spots, we all have them. And if you’re not sure that you have them, I would just advise you in this moment to think about through your
lifetime, back to high school, back to college, back
to early relationships, back to people that you’ve been
close to through your life, and are there some things that the people who get the
closest to you say about you over and over and over again? It doesn’t matter, you’re
in one relationship, you break up and you get
in another relationship, and what do you know, that person says the same thing about you as the person and the
relationship you were just in. There are some things that
people have said to you about yourself throughout your life, and you’ve had a hard time
believing them to be true. And that is because, as
Paul David Tripp says, we can become blind to our own blindness, we become blind to our own blindness. And even when we have flashes of insight, we have these moments, in which, maybe you’re in a
conversation with somebody or a conflict and this little
light glimmers in your head and they’re telling you something and for a moment, you
have this insight of wow, okay, maybe that’s true about me. But if you don’t take that
seriously and act on it and do something about it, that little flash of insight goes away. And over time, those little
flashes of insight stop coming, and you become rigid and locked into those places where you are stuck. CS Lewis, in his series,
The Chronicles of Narnia, the last book is called The Last Battle, and in The Last Battle, the king has won, there’s peace in the land, there’s beauty and the there’s good things
getting ready to happen for the people again, but in the middle of this beautiful field, because peace has been restored, there’s a group of dwarves
and all through the stories that the dwarves have
been pretty negative, pretty down on everything,
and in this particular scene, they are sitting huddled in the
middle of a beautiful field, but they’re huddled together, and they’re just muttering to each other. And then another group
of characters walk up and the dwarves say to each
other, do you hear voices? I hear somebody but I don’t see anything. The other characters are like,
hello, hello, here we are, don’t you see us? The dwarves are saying to each other, I hear something but I don’t see anything, do you see anything? I don’t say anything. And the other characters
going, hello, we’re right here, we’re right here next to you. And they say, well, maybe
if you can’t see us, here, let me show you this flower here, maybe you can smell this flower. And so one of the characters
hands to the dwarves some beautiful flowers and
the dwarves hit it away like, whoa, why would you put that stinky smell, can’t you see we’re in a stable
and why are you handing us stinky stuff from the stable? And the characters are
like, there’s no stable, you’re sitting in the
middle of a beautiful field. Here, maybe if I touch you,
and I can bring you into, and you can know that I’m touching you. And as they touched the dwarf, the dwarf hits at them and
says, why are you hitting me? And the other character says, I, I’m not hitting you I just touched you. And these characters are
becoming so frustrated because the dwarves can’t see, they think they’re in a dark, dank stable. And then the character
Azlan, who represents God, comes and these characters
say to the character Azlan, please can’t you help them
see, why can’t they see? And so Azlan says, “Well, here, “let me spread a beautiful
feast in front of them.” And so he spreads this beautiful feast, full of the best food and the best wine, and everything that they
could possibly want. And he gives it to the dwarves and the dwarves start eating it, but they’re complaining saying
why are you giving me hay, why are you giving me the stinky water to drink from a stable? And one of the characters,
Lucy, is so distressed and she says, “Azlan, why can’t they see?” And he says, “They have
chosen not to see.” Here’s the danger of taking
those flashes of insight and not doing anything with them, it’s there on your outline. Over time, if we keep choosing not to see, we will no longer be able to see. If we keep choosing not to see, we will no longer be able to see. If we don’t let God
work in us, shaping us, making us more and more and
more like his son Jesus, producing that love, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness
and self-control in us, we will become like those dwarves sitting in the middle of beauty, unable to appreciate the
goodness and the beauty of life, the goodness and beauty
of our relationships, the goodness and beauty of
what God has wanted us to see, we will lose our ability to see the truth. Well, why, why would we do that? If we hear that, why do we continue to
choose blindness over sight? Why would anybody do that, why would we refuse to see
the truth about ourselves, why don’t we learn from our mistakes and seek freedom from our own prisons, why do we persist in being like Eleanor insisting that we’re wearing pants, when everybody else
can see that we’re not, why do we insist on being like the dwarves unable to see the good in our lives? Because we have been
blinded by our blind spots. All I can think of probably six reasons that I’ve experienced over my life. And the first is this, pain. Hey, you guys, it hurts, it
just flat out hurts sometimes, for someone to expose to me,
or reveal to me, a blind spot, something that I’m very much
cannot see about myself. It hurts. It hurts me to realize I’m
not as kind as I think I am. It hurts me to realize
I’m not as compassionate as I think I am. It hurts me to think I’m not as sensitive as I perceive myself to be, it hurts. So why would we wanna
experience that pain? Secondly, it’s because of pride. I mean, just flat out unadulterated pride gets in the way sometimes. Through the years here at Saddleback, we’ve received our fair
share of criticism, not so much from Saddleback people, but other folks on the outside, and I do a lot of speaking
and public speaking, so we’ve gotten a lot of criticism. But honestly, the way I
feel about most of is like, pfft, whatever, pfft
whatever, doesn’t matter, I don’t get too worked up about it. But the people closest to me,
the people in my inner circle, my husband, my kids, my family,
my friends, my small group, my co-workers, when those
people start saying things to me and pointing things out to
me that I might not see, I have to be honest and tell you that sometimes I become
like a third grader and it’s like, yeah,
maybe, but what about you? (congregation laughs) Yes, I am, but what about you? And I think if we would be
honest, most of us would say that there are some times
our ego just gets in the way and we don’t want anybody
pointing any stuff out ’cause we’re better than
that, we don’t wanna hear it. I think another reason is because of fear. Honestly, there’re just sometimes when people point some things out to us, and we get those flashes of insight, we get frightened, because we don’t know
how to be any different. Even if we were to say to somebody, well, maybe there’s some truth
to what you’re saying, okay, maybe I can see that a little bit, but inside of us, there’s the sense of, I don’t know how to do it any different, this is the way I’ve
always been, I don’t know. What if I try and I’m actually worse, I’m afraid to venture into that territory, what if I can’t be different? Another reason is because of laziness. Goodness gracious, it just
takes a lot of work to change. It’s hard work to change,
it’s hard work to grow, it’s hard work to be any
different than we are, and there are points in our
lives where we’re just like, you know what, I’m kind of
comfortable with my brokenness, I have always been this way, it sucks to be you to
have to deal with me, but you’re just gonna have to deal with it because it’s just the way I am. You get me, this is what you
get, and that’s laziness. And then there’s stubbornness. There have been times I’ve
just been in rebellion. No, I’m not going to, no, just no. And God shows us something, or other people point things out, and there are moments in
which I have just said, nope, not gonna do it. And then there’s one that we
don’t always think about a lot, but I have come to appreciate
it even more and more, its impact on our blind
spots, and it’s trauma, those painful, (clears throat) pardon me, those things that have wounded us, and scarred us in our
past, in our childhood, in particular, those things that were abusive, that were violent, those things that we witnessed, those things that were done to us, those things that we saw done,
those things that people said that were cruel, that
were meant to harm us, they were meant to belittle us, they were meant to tear us down, and those things, over time, can create a distorted view
within ourselves, of ourselves. And we can no longer
see clearly not so much because we don’t want to but
because, as we were younger, we developed some ways
to cope with that pain, to cope with that trauma. And it served us well in our
childhood or young adulthood, ’cause it got us through. But as you grow, as you
mature, as you become a person, a whole person, that’s trying to be shaped into the image of God, those
things will no longer serve you to get you where you wanna go. And trauma can be one of
those things that distorts the way that we look at
ourselves and create blind spots. I’ll talk to you a little bit
more about that in a moment. This next part is actually,
this is the easy part for me, what I’ve already said. The hard part is what I’m
about to say to you, for me. And actually, as I’ve
already done it twice and gonna do it here today, I’m
still shaking on the inside, because it’s a level of
honesty that is uncomfortable. But I felt that this is what
I’m supposed to share with you. I have a very strong personality. I’m an introvert, I have a
little bit of social anxiety, to be honest, but my core personality, I have a very strong personality. In fact, what has been told
to me my entire life is, man, you’re intense (laughs).
(congregation laughs) I have heard that from the
time I was a little girl, I heard it through elementary school, I heard it through high school,
I heard it through college. I’ve heard it all of my
44 years of marriage, I have heard it from family,
I’ve heard it from friends, I’ve heard it from co-workers,
I’ve heard it from strangers. I have heard over and over and
over, man, you are intense. So I think I’m intense.
(congregation laughs) But there’s a more troubling phrase to me that I’ve also heard
several times in my life, many times in my life. I like Kay, I do, I just don’t wanna be on
the wrong side of her. That hurts. But in the last month or so, five statements have been made to me by people who know me really, really well. And every one of these statements, I don’t want you to feel defensive for me when I tell them to you
because I want you to know they were truly said
by people who love me, who have my best interests at heart, they were said gently, they were not set as weapons to hurt me, they were just people who love me enough to tell me the truth about myself. The first was from Rick (clears throat). He’s the only person who I will name (congregation laughs)
to protect the guilty. No, you don’t need to know
who the other people were, but Rick’s okay with me
sharing this with you. And Rick and I have, like
George and Tundra talked about, some of whether that intense fellowship, some of those conversations
they talked about last week. And the reality is, some
people don’t like to know that Rick and I are imperfect people, you guys wanna put us on a pedestal and think we never mess
up, and we never sin, and we never argue we
never dislike each other, and we never say mean things to each other or we never act like third graders. And sorry, just hanging
around me for five minutes, and I can get rid of that
notion for you really fast. But he and I had had
some intense fellowship about a month ago. And we were then at the point of, both of us have kind of calmed down, we were working through
the resolution part of it, and this is what he said to
me, (clears throat) sorry, he said, “Kay, you can’t see what I see. “You don’t realize the
impact of your actions. “You don’t realize how
ingrained your behavior is, “how automatic, how pervasive, “and sometimes how destructive.” Someone else said to me, “Do you realize how passive aggressive, “you can get in conflict?” Somebody else said, “I just
don’t think you’re aware “of how intense you really are. “Because to you, you think we’re
just having a conversation. “But to me, I feel like you’re angry “and hostile, and upset with me.” Somebody else said, talking
about a mutual acquaintance, “He’s a little bit afraid of you.” And I shocked myself by saying, “Good, “I want him to be a little
bit afraid of me.” (laughs) And yet I was so shocked that
that was my instant response. But I realized, no, I wanted this other
person to be afraid of me because it gave me a sense of
power, it gave me the sense that he will meet my expectations if he’s a little bit afraid of me. And then somebody else I love said to me, “I am trying really hard, “but I don’t know how to please you.” Like I said, that’s why
I’m a little bit shaky as I get to this part of the message. But you guys, since
January 8 of this year, when I did my new year’s resolutions, yes, I missed January 1, but
I got to it by the eighth, and on January 8 of this year, I began praying this prayer every day, and I’m going to pray it
every day of this 2019. It was this, God, please
reveal to me my blind spots, please reveal to me my blind spots. I don’t want to be in
control of my personality, leaving damage in the wake. I want to have you in
control of my personality so that I leave blessing in my wake. And I’ve decided that was a really stupid and dangerous prayer to pray because God has been doing exactly that. It’s been this cascade of blind
spots being revealed to me. And I’m a little bit like,
in the Jack Nicholson movie, A Few Good Men, where he’s like,
you can’t handle the truth, but I’m like you’re right,
I can’t handle the truth. (congregation laughs) So here are the two passages of Scripture that I am praying for myself this year, as I pray for God to
reveal my blind spots. The first is Psalm 19:12-14,
and this is my prayer, God, how can I know the
sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me, cleanse me
from these hidden faults and keep your servant
from deliberate sins. So it’s like, I know
there’s stuff I can’t see and it’s hidden, so show that to me and then help me deal with the things that I know about that I doing,
don’t let them control me. And then I will be free of
guilt and innocent of great sin, may the words of my mouth, the external things
you’re gonna see in here, and the meditation of my heart, the things you will
never know I’m thinking, and feeling, and believing. May these God, may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my
heart, be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock, and my Redeemer. And then Matthew 7:1-5, this
is Jesus talking, and he says, “Don’t criticize, and
you won’t be criticized “for others will treat
you as you treat them. “And why worry about a speck
in the eye of a brother, “when you,” Kay Warren,
“have a board in your own? “Should you say friend, let me help you “get that speck out of your
eye, when you can’t even see “because of the board in your own?” Hypocrite. First, get rid of the board and then you can help your brother, then you can see to help your brother. And the visual I get when I read Matthew 7 is that of I’m walking
along and I don’t realize that I have got a
two-by-four stuck in my eye. And so I don’t realize that
every time I turn my head, I’m whacking somebody
with that two-by-four. And if I turn my head this way, I’m whacking people on the
side with a two-by-four, I don’t even know that I’ve got this board
protruding from my eye and it’s hurting people,
it’s hitting people, it’s doing damage, and
I don’t even know it. And yet I’m fully engaged with
helping the checker at Target with the speck in her eye, or
the speck in my husband’s eye or in my children’s eye,
or in my co-workers’ eye, or the customer service rep that I’m dealing with from
the insurance company, or a few politicians that drive me batty, I am fully engaged with the
speck in other people’s eye, not realizing that I’ve got
a two-by-four in my own. Well, there are three responses,
we’ve kind of hit on them, that I think are typical to blind spots. First is just to reject it. It’s not true. Keep insisting you’re
wearing pants, my friend, you can go through life insisting
that you’re wearing pants, if you want to. Everybody else around you know you’re not, but you can keep insisting
you’re wearing pants if you want to, you can reject that what you hear about blind spots. Secondly, you can acknowledge
it, you can say you know what, that just might be true about me, and you can say so I’m
gonna stop doing XYZ, whatever it is that somebody
says I’m gonna stop doing that. And you can try in your own effort, you can see the bad fruit, the bad stuff that you’re producing, and you say, okay, I’m gonna stop. And that’s better than rejecting it but there’s a third alternative. And it’s the third alternative
that I’m pushing for. It’s this, it’s to acknowledge
it and let God root it out, let God root it out. Other people can see the bad
fruit that you’re producing, they can see the stuff
that’s coming from your life that is not healthy, that’s not helpful that may even in fact be damaging, they can see it ’cause
it’s pretty obvious. What they can’t see is the root, they can’t see why you’re
doing what you’re doing. And I don’t wanna just be content with trying to pluck off bad fruit, I don’t wanna keep producing it. I want God to get in and do his work and root out why it is what I’m doing so that I stopped producing that fruit, I wanna be like Galatians 5:22. And that’s the part of
how, in sanctification, that’s God’s part. He shows me where I’m
wrong, he reveals it to me, I see it, and then I bring
it back to him and say, God, do your work inside of me, please, so that I don’t keep producing this fruit, and that’s how growth happens. So how can we learn to actually and accurately see ourselves? How do we actually learn how
to see ourselves accurately? Well, four things. First of all, hi, you’ve
gotta start from this place, you have got to know,
and believe, and accept that you God’s beloved, you’ve
got to start from that place, that you are God’s beloved,
that he adores you, that you are precious
in his sight, that you, I mean, you bring a smile to his face, even in your brokenness,
even in your marred state, even in your wounds,
even in your immaturity, even in everything about
you that’s not right. God does not love you any more or any less whether you get this all right or not, his love for you is not gonna budge. It’s stable, it’s sure, it is dependable. The sun’s coming up tomorrow morning and God’s love for you will
be fresh and new every day. And starting from the place of knowing that you are his beloved,
and that he longs for you to walk in freedom from your blind spots, he longs for you to stop being
blind to your own blindness. He loves you. Romans 8:1 says so now,
there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. No condemnation, even as
God is talking to you, he’s not doing it through
a condemning voice. I don’t know if you
noticed when I was reading that part in Matthew and I was saying where Jesus is speaking, and
he says, toward the very end, he says to the people,
he’s talking to hypocrite. And lots of times when
people are reading that they read it like this hypocrite, as though Jesus shouted hypocrite to those that he was talking to. I think he was talking to his followers, and because they were his
dearly loved followers, I think he said it through a
much more gentle tone of voice like, hypocrite, but don’t you see, don’t you see what you’re doing? God’s voice to us is not that
of thunderous hypocrites, he comes to us through his
love, and we are his beloved. Second thing is to look
at an accurate mirror. It’s so important to look at ourselves through an accurate mirror,
because of the distorted mirror that many of us got, the distorted views that we were given of ourselves. And when we look at an accurate mirror, it helps deal with our defensiveness, and it helps deal with the trauma of what we might have experienced. And the most accurate
mirror for us to look at is God’s Word. James 1:22-25, I wrote
part of it on your outline, but I want you to see the
full part here on the screen. It’s talking about the Word of God, says, and remember, it’s a message
to obey, not just to listen to, don’t just get those flashes
of insight and walk away. He said, don’t fool yourself,
for if you just listen, and don’t obey, he’s like
a man who looks at his face in a mirror but as soon as he walks away, he can’t see himself anymore
or remember what he looks like. Here’s the part to understand, but if anyone keeps looking steadily, looking steadily into God’s law, God’s mirror for free people,
he will not only remember it, but he will do what it says, and God will greatly bless him
in everything that he does. God’s word is always an
accurate mirror for us, it will not tell us something
that is not true about us. You can trust what God
shows you about yourself, in his Word, he will show you, first that you are his
beloved, and second, that his word and his evaluation is right. Revelation 3:17-18, this is Jesus talking to some of the churches in the last times and he says to them, you say, I’m rich with everything I
want, I don’t need a thing. You don’t realize that
spiritually, you are wretched, and miserable, and poor,
and blind, and naked, you don’t have pants on. “My advice to you is to buy
pure gold from me,” Jesus says, “gold, purified by fire, “because only then will you be rich. “And to purchase from me white
garments, clean and pure, “so that you won’t be naked and ashamed. “And to get medicine
from me to heal your eyes “and to give you back your sight.” God’s correction to us never
comes through that voice, as I said, of disdain,
that voice of guilt, that voice of judgment, it comes to us through that voice of love. He is the only one voice
that will tell us accurately the truth every time about ourselves, and to know that I can look in his Word, and I can know that I’m his beloved, and that when he speaks to me,
he speaks correction to me, tells me Kay you know, sometimes you think you’ve
got it all together, but my sweet one you do
not, you are actually poor, and naked and blind, and
are weak and miserable, but that’s okay, come to me,
because I will transform you. Then that deals with
that fear that I have, and that you probably have
at some point in your life, if people really knew me, they would run, if people really knew me, they would not love me. But when we know that the
Creator who created us, died for us, is working
to make us into his image every single day, loves us, says there’s no condemnation for you, and the words that I speak to you are correction in love
not to make you small, and feel ashamed, and feel less than, but to actually set you
free and help you see. The third thing, once
you’ve done this internal, daily work with God, I’m your beloved God so anything you say to me is
gonna be because you love me. And then go to his word
for that accurate picture that re-works, the mirror that
you’ve been looking through all these years, then externally, move this now to the external, and start examining your relationships for patterns of behavior, start looking for patterns of behavior. Look at your typical interactions with the people closest to you and see if there are
repeated places of conflict, places of misunderstanding,
places of where you are accused, of not relating well, of
not responding well to life, and to people, and to circumstances. There is that old adage that
if it looks like a duck, and it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it is what? – A duck.
– Probably a duck. And that applies here. If you have heard some
of these messages over and over, and over, and over
again, and your response is, no, it’s not true, you probably
need to pay some attention. And here’s one of the things that I have been noticing about this. Why is that so important? Why can’t we just work
this stuff out with God? Why can’t we let God,
me and God, and my Bible and my quiet time, me and
God in my prayer time, why can’t me and God just work this out and then I’m changed and I’m transformed, and all you see is the good stuff? And you just see oh my,
you have really changed? Why can’t I just work it out with God? Because God is interested
in our relationships and our willingness to do the
hard work with each other. See, if God shows me something
about myself, he’s perfect, so he’s the perfect talking
to me, the imperfect. I can, it’s hard, but
I can deal with that. If you tell me something about myself, now it’s the imperfect,
talking to the imperfect, and that is not as easy for me to do, that is not easy for me to do at all. Because the thing is, God will
give me grace, I know that, God will say I know how hard you’ve tried, I know where you’ve been
wounded, I know the scars, I know the broken place, I
know everything about you, and so I’m gonna give you so much grace, I’m gonna give you so much
credit for where you’ve tried. You, on the other hand, not
being able to see inside of me are not gonna give me that same credit, you’re not gonna see where I’ve tried, you’re not gonna see the
times I zipped my lip instead of saying that great
zinger that I had ready to say, you’re not gonna give me credit for the places where I’ve been broken, where I’ve been wounded,
where I’ve been trauma, you don’t see it. But this is where we
restore relationships, working for us with God, and then carrying it out into
our external relationships. So ask yourself regularly,
there’s five questions there for you to ask yourself
on a regular basis. First, what is it I’m
pretending not to know? That one kills me every time? What is it that I am
pretending not to know? Second, what is it that I’m
pretending is not a problem? What is it that I keep
saying that’s not a problem, that’s not a problem, I don’t know what you’re
so worked up about, that’s not a problem. What is it I’m pretending isn’t a problem? What is it that I’m
pretending I’ve overcome, that I’ve grown past,
that that was in the, oh, yeah, I used to be like that, but I’m not like that
anymore, I’ve grown past that, that’s over, that’s done with, what is it that you’re
pretending that you’ve overcome? What is it that you think you’re good at, but those closest to
me, or closest to you, tell you no, you’re not so good at that. And I don’t mean your skills, I mean, sometimes people will say, you think you’re a really good listener, but you are not a good listener. If anybody has told you that
several times more than once, please pay attention, because you are not as good a
listener as you think you are. Or the places where somebody you think that you are so compassionate, or you’re so grace-filled
or are you’re so kind, or you’re so optimistic, or whatever, and the people around you are telling you something different. What is it that you think you’re good at, but the people closest to
you you’re not so good. And then this one, what’s it
like on the other side of me? Ask yourself that question, what’s it like to be on
the receiving end of this, what’s it like to be on
the receiving end of me? That question right there will start a revolution
in your soul (chuckles). And then the fourth thing is
to establish a daily practice of humility before God, a daily practice of humility before God so that you come to God, and you deliberately and
intentionally say to him, God, please, reveal to me my blind spots. I recognize that I am
blind to my own blindness, and I need your help to be able to see and I come in a posture
of humility that says, I think sometimes I’ve got this mastered, I think I’m good at
this relationship stuff, I think I’m doing things
well, but God, I recognize that there’s things I probably cannot see. So in a posture of humility,
I ask you to show me, and you start then with
a place of confession. So for me, this year, I
have been reading Psalm 51, in my time with God,
because in my time with God, here’s the confession that I pray, and I’d like for you, to
just maybe close your eyes and just listen to this. This is David, after he
has messed up so badly. Have mercy on me, O God
because of your unfailing love because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins,
wash me clean from my guilt, purify me from my sin, for I
recognize my shameful deeds, they haunt me day and night. Against you, and you alone have I sinned, I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say and your judgment against me is just, for I was born a sinner, yes, from the moment
my mother conceived me, but you desire honesty from the heart. So you can teach me to be
wise, in my innermost being, purify me from my sins,
and I will be clean. Wash me and I will be whiter than snow. O give me back my joy again. You’ve broken me, now let me rejoice. Don’t keep looking at my sins,
remove the stain of my guilt, create in me a clean heart, O God, renew a right spirit within me. You would not be pleased with sacrifices, or I would bring them. If I brought you a burnt
offering you would not accept it. The sacrifice you want is a broken spirit, a broken and repentant heart,
O God, you will not despise. Father, we stand in your presence so grateful to be your beloved,
to know that any correction that you send our way is not to shame us, it’s not to harm us, it’s not to make us feel
small or weak, or less than. But your desire is to show us how to see truthfully about ourselves, the places where we
are weak and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked,
so that we can be healed, so that we can grow. I pray for my brothers and sisters, especially those Lord
who may have heard this through that broken mirror of trauma, of things that have been
said and done to them, that have made it very difficult for them to hear truthfully, that there might be some
things that need to change. God, I thank you that your mirror, your word is accurate about us and true, and just, and loving, and gracious. And I pray for anyone who may
be is just even recognized in this time that they don’t have that personal relationship with you, and so they they’re not confident that you’re actually working on them, helping them to be transformed
into the image of Jesus. So may they, in this quiet moment, in the quiet of their hearts,
just say simply Jesus, I want to be your friend,
would you be my savior? I confess to you that I have sinned and I have fallen short
of who you wanted me, who you created me to be. Please be my savior I give myself to you. So Father, take all that we’ve said, I pray that we would become people not in control of our own personalities because when we are in
control of our own selves, we leave damage in our wake, but our hearts desire is to leave blessing in the relationships, and
the people, and the places that we touch every day. And I pray this in Jesus name, amen. (upbeat music) – Thanks for checking out
this message on YouTube. My name is Jay and I’m
Saddleback’s Online Pastor. I wanna invite you to take your next step by checking out our online community or help get you connected to
a local Saddleback campus. Three things we have
to offer you right now; first, learn more about
belonging to our church family by taking Class 101, second, don’t live life alone and get into community with others by joining an online small group or a local home group in your area, third, join our Facebook
group to be more engaged with our online community
throughout the week. Take your next step and learn
where our local campus is, near you, by visiting
saddleback.com/online or email [email protected] Hope to hear from you soon.

30 thoughts on “Learning to See Your Blind Spots with Kay Warren

  • Don't have the time to watch this right now but I wanted to at least comment and say I'm looking forward to the message!

  • Wow! This is exactly what I needed~thank you for this honest and eye opening teaching. God please root the destructive behaviors out of me, so that I can produce good fruit in my life and be a blessing to all those in my life.

  • Yes, when we are LEFT TO OUR OWN DEVICES, we can indeed stagnate and neglect to grow as we SHOULD. But when GOD is in charge of our lives, we are often disciplined (sometimes through adversity) for our own long-term benefit. "Our sufferings produces perseverance, and perseverance produces character" (Romans 5:3,4). "God disciplines us for our own good – in order that we may share in his holiness" (Hebrews 12:10).

  • Oh boy, I've got a 2×4 in my eye too. I will pray that God will take it out so I'll quit whopping people with it. Diane in North Carolina

  • With all due respect , Ironically In my opinion, if we genuinely respect, honor, trust and lean on God , he will guide us. If we ask for discernment etc we will receive. I pray for God's guidance more than man. Since most of the word will be deceived , according to the Bible.
    Let God root it out, I love this…if only when people see they would be careful not to judge or gossip, because sometimes they only cause the root to take hold even more .
    This is very interesting message. Thank you

  • I can relate with your mother, I am sorry this has happened to her and your family <3 My mother as well had this here on Earth, now she is free in her Spirit. Prayers! I always just looked at her as a child and laughed with her at things.

  • Thanks Kay, this message is JUST FOR ME. I'm not ashamed to say that I've got the same problem, a very strong personality and could be very INTENSE believing that I'VE GOT ON PANTS WHEN IN REALITY, I'VE GOT NONE. THAT'S MY BLIND SPOT. And, as you've showed me, the ONLY ONE TO HELP ME MAKE THAT CHANGE IS GOD. So, from this day, I'm going to ask God to help me recognize that BLIND SPOT and show me a different direction so that I do continue to walk in the same OLD DIRECTION OVER AND OVER AGAIN, AMEN!!πŸ™πŸ™

  • Thank you so much Kay for sharing this wonderful message. I keep listening on my way to work in the morning. It questions about my way of behavior + every thought behind of it too.

  • The prayer in the very first minutes took my breath away. Such deep and sincere prayer, Kay.
    Your husband has helped me more than words can say. Thank you for your ministry.

  • AMAZING! Thanks for sharing, Kay! You are beautiful inside and out! takes a lot to share! Many blessing!

  • Kay missed the mark on several points in her talk. About the beam in your own eye and about the "Therefore there is no condemnation", who that relates to because it's not every Christian. It is only those that are actually walking in righteousness but she kind of went down the expected track of "you are saved by grace no matter how much your life is messed up" and that is a lie of the enemy.
    If you are habitually sinning then you are nowhere near in a born again state even if you are "born again" technically. Other points I could make also


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